Tuesday, 25 January 2011

Equality, Equality, Equality

Being a person who is blind, there are many issues I often think about
- education for all, employment for all, music for all, living life
just like others and many, many more. It is a tough life for everyone,
not only me and my friends with disability or, parents/carers with
children who has one or more disabilities.

However, more than often, "we" the groups with "disability" in
description or identity, feel we have more battles to fight. It might
be true,....at least it really feels like that. Recently, I myself
wonder, how many times more do I have to stand up again and again and
again and again, after being pushed down? Being pushed down includes
but, not limited to rejection (education, employment, leisure,
managing own finance independently), having someone decide what is
good or possible for you even when you have turned 30, being treated
like a retarded/child even when you only has one disability, being
thought to work/mingle/teach/marry/discuss only within your own kind
(in my case, people who are blind). But, of course, despite all these
moanings, I do have many very good friends who treat me as equals.
Still, at times, I do wish someone would ask me out for a movie at the
cinema to catch the latest. Or, a hanging out with girl friends or any
friends, or even for a date. Hahahah, exactly, just like another girl
you know. Thus, I miss my friends in Penang, my friends in UK, some of
my ex-colleagues. No doubt, at times, we learn how to cope with what I
definitely can't seem to enjoy. But..., it still feels nice to be
asked, no matter who you are, doesn't it?

Besides looking at what I do not get, I also think about what can one
or, should do to make life easier. Oftentimes, the "we" make a lot, I
mean really a lot of complaints about the injustice and inequality of
society towards them. The focus is always "me"and "me"and "myself" and
"i" or "we". It is my prayer that I will "not" ever fall into this
group. How do I mean? Have you ever heard someone said, "well, they
don't understand"? Or, "they are different, that's why our kind
understands better"? Well, nonsense! Since when we human beings
understand each other? Well I mean. And, aren't we all born different?
The point is, how can we make other understand us instead of whining
that they don't. Besides that, how often do we hear phrases like,
"well, he/she should know I can't do it because I am blind/partially
sighted/a wheelchair user/deaf and etc" and, the sayer would end up
feeling so frustrated.

I really do not know how to put this in a better and clearer way but,
I do not need a place for blind workers, a university for the blind, a
church for the blind, a school for the blind (that has more issues to
discuss), or, a computer for the blind, a phone for the blind, a piano
for the blind, a bathroom for the blind. Right, beginning to get
rather muddled up and confusing??? I know, it is such kind of issue.

Basically, I do need help, but not all the time. I might need help to
get myself orientated with a toilet but, not another person inside it
with me (it really happened to me once...hahahah, super embarrassing),
and if we go for a retail therapy, it will be great to join you in
choosing your clothes, bags, shoes, and all other things. And, your
opinion whether I look like an old lady in it, or fab or sweet or
clown is very very very much appreciated. Of course, I am not everyone
so, this is only my opinion.

And, no child who has a disability should be taught to think that
he/she is different. My parents never, although they knew I am. I was
allowed to play hide & seek, jumping ropes, run and catch and many
more. It was nice memories. But, children can be hostile thus,
balancing act is required. Now, has our knowledge and education of
rights and equality empowered or weakened us?

Are we more informative or annoying with our complaints? Are we grumpy
or friendly? Do we fret about being left-out or think of a solution to
avoid this from happening again? Well, for your information, I am
wondering still...

Saturday, 15 January 2011

Dream, Dream, Dream

I often have so many dreams in me, but at times, I feel so afraid to
say them out - perhaps, the magic of these dreams will vanish after
they are pronounced???

Yet, I want to have these dreams come true, and I believe, I have to
believe in them, then, they will have a greater chance of realisation.

2011 wants/dreams:
An IPod Touch
11" laptop
A trip beyond Southeast Asia
A job closely related to music
Braille Notetaker
Research in music

Lifetime dreams:
Having a family of my own
A fulltime pianist
The salvation of my parents, brothers and their families

I will keep on dreaming and waiting for the day they come true!!!

Wednesday, 12 January 2011

Random Thoughts

Lately, I have been thinking about many diferent issues as well as
talking and discussing with friends over many different topics.

Today itself, we talked about relationship between a blind person and
a sighted person. Of course, we are not talking about friendship, we
were discussing about the romantic relationship. The norm is, at least
here, there are more examples of a sighted girl marrying a blind
husband. As for a sighted man to marry a blind girl...that's super
rare. And most highly educated and capable blind men would prefer a
sighted wife, someone who can drive, ferry children to and fro
school/classes/extra activities and so on. You think love is all about
the heart???

There is also the issue of a blind piano teacher, a blind ballet
accompanist, Christianity and so on. God is dear in my heart...but,
never knew loving Him is so complicated when there aare the issues of
theology, emotional, intellectual, denominational, tradition, and many

And I still wish that I am much tougher and stronger..overcoming my
past hurts. But they really hurt.

I think I at times overestimate myself...I thought I overcame
it...but, obviously, I have not. *sigh*