Monday, 7 August 2006
Hi, It seems I have not drop in any notes here. Well, sorry for anyone who used to frequent this spot, I am sorry. I could not believe that I actually wrote the things I posted before. It is just amazing on whatever I wrote. Recently, or should I say, last two days, I really feel like quitting church, quitting all Christian based studies, and quitting it all. Why? I felt so hurt and painful that I think this should not happen. I challenged God although a moment later I could not bring myself to carry out whatever I told God. I said, "God, if you don't send someone next to me, I won't attend church anymore, no more". But, I gave up, and of course, noone came to sit next to me. It was too horrible and I do question has church grown so cold? Or the problem is on me? I know not where to start. I told myself this would not happen again, not to me or to my fellow friends, no such painful experience. It was too painful. Okay, you might question what actually happened. As usual, we have our Holy Communion. However, sitting on the second row, maybe alone, I was left out. I was not serve the bread and the cup and noone actually noticed that. Well, you might ask, "why not speak up and ask for it?", but those who knows me you know why. I could not stop sobbing throughout the service, I felt ignored and all i wanted was to walk off the sanctuary immediately. However, again my helplessness remains. I sat through the service, sobbing as quietly as I could. I went to bed with tears, I woke up with tears. And don't ask me why was I so "sensitive", it is just a small matter, but it just seems so big to me. Now, I am still quite hurt but, thank God for His peace and I will still attend church and I shall pray for a change or at least, whatever I could do. No, noone deserves this, not a Christian, not someone who needs your extra help. What do you say? But, overall, I would say I have grown tremendously within these four months, and I look forward to be more rooted in the word of God, and be a stronger person in Christ. Thanks for reading.